house rules

I think my house needs some rules. Nothing very fancy. Nothing too formal as I am neither. I’ve visited friends that have rules posted somewhere in the house. Good idea for the young kids to read so they can figure out how things work in this house. Cause obviously, as the mom, I’ve got some rules, I know how the whole thing works and can post a list for them to follow.

My rules to date:

  1. Whatever you’re doing, be sure to have fun.
  2. If someone is cranky, I put my finger in their face and say “don’t laugh!” Works everytime. Except not when I’m cranky and attempt it in the mirror. All that happens is I say “you look like an ass” and get crankier.

Those are my rules. I don’t have any “feed the dog” “wipe your butt” “clean up your clothes.”  Shouldn’t that just happen without me laying down the law. WAIT! I think I just got it.

So, I’m gonna make some rules. I’m gonna steal some ideas off the internet get clever. A friend just exposed me to Backwoods Mom. I’m upset I just found her but we’ve become the best of friends in the past 20 minutes. This is the first post I read of hers. While a bit sappy it’s exactly what I struggle with as I watch the dishes pile in the sink but snuggle on the couch with them. Who has energy to do dishes when I can watch Spencer on iCarly? It is, after all, the snuggling they will remember!

I also stumbled on to her House Rules. She’s got a ton of kids and you NEED to read all about them. And try to not feel like the lazy schmuck as I did while reading. Anyhow, she’s my new best friend and here’s her House Rules.

1. If it’s not yours…don’t touch it.
2. Remove your shoes at the door.  Not directly in front of the door…off to the side.
3. If the bathroom door is locked, knocking repeatedly will not make it open any faster.
4. Do not use “fair” to describe what something is not.  It is the original “F” word.
5. Balled socks do not come clean…unball them or wear them dirty.
6. If you get too much toothpaste, do not try to shove it back in the tube.
7. Keep your private parts well hidden at all times…and apply rule number one.
8. If the dog’s water dish is empty, fill it.  Or let’s see how long you can go without water.
9. Three drops of milk does not justify returning it to the fridge.
10. If you ask for seconds, you eat every bite.
11. Pretend the rim of the toilet will electrocute you if it gets wet.
12. Wipe every single time.
13. Wearing clothes to the mirror and back does not get them dirty.
14. Food and shelter are required of me.  Everything else is a privilege and can be revoked.
15. I don’t care what everyone else gets to do.  Whine about it and I’ll throw you off that bridge myself.
16. Money in the dryer is always mine.
17. Touch the thermostat and see what happens…
18. Loaning you something once does not make it yours.
19. Clean underwear at just that…clean.  Sorting them with two fingers is not necessary.
20. Slam your door and I will remove it.
 21. “Bedtime” means the same thing every single night. Do not look at me like I’m crazy when I say it.
22. When you run your toothbrush under the water, I always know. Same thing with the soap in the shower.
23. Everything you do cost money, from turning on the hot water to opening the fridge.  Conserve.
24. I don’t care if you did it. I didn’t ask. I just told you to clean it up.
25. And once again…if it’s not yours, DON’T TOUCH IT!


Obviously several of these border on brilliance so you will probably end up seeing some of these making an appearance on my list. It’s time to whip this house into shape.

What’s your best house rule that I can must borrow?

And then you said...

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