a tear here. a hole there. here a hole… there a hole…

My dearest husband enjoyed a little knee surgery today for an injury from more than a year ago. He attempted training for another triathalon and did the madness known as the Warrior Dash with said injury. However, his attempt to play racquetball with his 7 year old son pretty much laid him out so off to the doctor he finally went.

Doctor took one look and said, “torn meniscus but let’s do an MRI to confirm.” Ooops, just kidding on the torn meniscus. I mean he had one and all but he also had a torn ACL and a hole in his cartilage.  Great work Ott! Surgery was scheduled and the day finally came. Today.

While I got the kids off to school, his brother got him to the hospital/outpatient/surgery center thingy/place to be my home for the next 6 hours. I arrived and relieved Bill of his duties. Only once he answered my important questions like where’s the bathroom and how does this coffee machine work? And then he left me. Alone. In a quiet, boring, horrible room with bad TV to entertain me. Of course, I also had the others in the waiting room to entertain me. And can talk about that one guy? The one guy that listened to his music. He was kind enough to put on his headphones so we couldn’t hear his music. EXCEPT he sang in a loud whisper. Like loud enough to hear all the “sssssss” in each word but you could figure out the words. Yeh that guy. Him. Here:

Do you know him? Cause he almost got a black eye today! I’m not saying by who, just throwing it out there as a friendly public service annoucement. If you know the guy, tell him to never, ever do that again. Never. Ever.

Oh yeah, back to the Husband. Doctor finally calls me in around 11:15. Almost 3 hours after surgery started. Yeh, that long! I shake his hand, say hello and then notice he’s holding photographs. Yeh, umm, I’m gonna throw up on your super clean scrubs if you don’t put those away. He’s asks “are you sure you don’t want to see them” and I’m all “really? Are you really asking me if I want those?  Sure! Got a few bare walls in the new house. Get me some frames and I’m all over the inside of my husbands knee.” NO! Put those away! Right. Now!

He composes himself and I ask how it went. “Hamstring part was fine. But there were a couple holes and a couple of tears.” A couple holes and a couple tears? Yeh, he tells me. “Think of the holes like potholes. I poke real hard around in the bottom of the potholes, it filIs up with blood, which will then clot. He can’t stand on his foot otherwise he’ll shear off the top of the clot. And then none of this worked.” Sounds lovely Doc! Might you have any photos of that loveliness I can hang on my walls? Can I go now? I believe I’ve heard enough.

I learned nothing more on the tears. And I didn’t ask. Not cause I don’t care. I just can’t handle the truth. Doctor told me I could see him in about 20 minutes. TWO HOURS later, I was brought back to see Mr. Groggy in his wheelchair. He knew my name so we were off to a good start. A very large man helped me get Mr. Groggy into the van. I asked very large man if he would like to go home with me to help. I guess that’s not allowed.

A couple funny stories later, I get Mike on the couch, leg elevated above the heart. I use this magical device to fill ice machine thingy (technical term) surrounding his knee. I figure we’ll use it for 3-4 days, then turn it into a wine cooler/dispenser thingy (technical term) for Mommy. Just in time for the weekend!

People have said this will be fun. And fun I’m having already. Keep snoring on the couch Mikey!  I’ve got this covered. You’ve got some drugs to pop every couple of hours and you don’t have to shower til Friday. Ohh what a fun weekend we are gonna have!! Something about stitches and draining and incisions…..

And then you said...

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