Are you kidding me about the amount of paper that is sent home daily from school? Worksheets – complete and to be completed. Volunteer forms. Pizza Nights. Food to donate. Kids to adopt. Math quizzes. Spelling tests. Continent maps to label and color in but not turn back in. Reading Lists. Restoration Hardware catalogs.
Seriously, the amount of paper from two kids in a week is enough to wallpaper my entire first floor. WAIT. Still struggling with a “theme” for the dining room. I’m gonna paper mache the crap outta those walls with school work! B-E-A-UTIFUL!! (note to self: run to Joann’s during some of your plethora of free time and pick up some glue, I mean crafty glue. Or um that fancy paper mache glue stuff. And, do I also need a brush to apply that stuff?? Crap. May want to regroup on this genius idea.)
If they stopped sending all this paper home, whatever would I put in my two recycling bins? Seriously friends, how do you manage the stack of crap sent home each and every day? Some worksheets to return. Some magical pieces to keep and give back to my kids in 20 years when they have their own homes and need their crap back. Some pieces of paper to recycle “strategically” when no one is looking. Piles, many many piles.
And so let’s talk about the “trash pile!” The “oh my god I don’t want to keep any of this crap. Man I should keep some of this crap. Oh look another 100% on a math test. That’s really great. I’m not so great at math. How is he so great at math? Dude, this kid is good at math. Do I keep another 100% worksheet? Do I even have to show Mike that our son rocked another math worksheet. No? What about this drawing Hannah did? Is it a drawing? Is it just a scribble? I should keep it. No I shouldn’t. Maybe I could send it to the Grandparents. They would so like that.”
All of the above ends up in the recycle bin after an analysis that takes way longer than I have time to spend.
Then comes the day that the homework or the here’s what I read this week lists are due. WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR READING LIST? OH SHIT DID I THROW AWAY YOUR READING LIST? WHICH PILE IS THE #&*&$^#@ READING LIST IN?
OH MY GOD….SOMEONE PLEASE STOP WITH ALL THE PAPERS. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!