yeh, i threw it away. so what?

Are you kidding me about the amount of paper that is sent home daily from school? Worksheets – complete and to be completed. Volunteer forms. Pizza Nights. Food to donate. Kids to adopt. Math quizzes. Spelling tests. Continent maps to label and color in but not turn back in. Reading Lists. Restoration Hardware catalogs.

Seriously, the amount of paper from two kids in a week is enough to wallpaper my entire first floor. WAIT. Still struggling with a “theme” for the dining room. I’m gonna paper mache the crap outta those walls with school work! B-E-A-UTIFUL!!  (note to self: run to Joann’s during some of your plethora of free time and pick up some glue, I mean crafty glue. Or um that fancy paper mache glue stuff. And, do I also need a brush to apply that stuff?? Crap. May want to regroup on this genius idea.)

If they stopped sending all this paper home, whatever would I put in my two recycling bins? Seriously friends, how do you manage the stack of crap sent home each and every day? Some worksheets to return. Some magical pieces to keep and give back to my kids in 20 years when they have their own homes and need their crap back. Some pieces of paper to recycle “strategically” when no one is looking. Piles, many many piles.

And so let’s talk about the “trash pile!” The “oh my god I don’t want to keep any of this crap. Man I should keep some of this crap. Oh look another 100% on a math test.  That’s really great. I’m not so great at math. How is he so great at math? Dude, this kid is good at math. Do I keep another 100% worksheet? Do I even have to show Mike that our son rocked another math worksheet. No? What about this drawing Hannah did? Is it a drawing? Is it just a scribble? I should keep it. No I shouldn’t. Maybe I could send it to the Grandparents. They would so like that.

All of the above ends up in the recycle bin after an analysis that takes way longer than I have time to spend.

Then comes the day that the homework or the here’s what I read this week lists are due. WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR READING LIST? OH SHIT DID I THROW AWAY YOUR READING LIST? WHICH PILE IS THE #&*&$^#@ READING LIST IN?

OH MY GOD….SOMEONE PLEASE STOP WITH ALL THE PAPERS. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

8 thoughts on “yeh, i threw it away. so what?

  1. Were you reading my mind? I just said the very same thing this morning to a friend with three kids — I can barely manage with one in K and one in Pre-K — HOW does she do it?! This, of course, was top of mind only because I cannot find the birthday party invite that came home last week and damn if I know a single mom in Thomas’s class just yet. My friend then tells me she saves all the papers in a box in the basement and I had to pause because this MOTHER OF THE YEAR has been sneaking the papers into the recycle bin as soon as the kids aren’t looking. 🙂 Doh!!! Time to step up my game!

    1. Emergency! Emergency! I know you were invited by someone to somewhere to celebrate something. I’m convinced we are all in this together and need to riot against the teachers. Rage against the system. You don’t need to prove to me that my kid is learning something by sending home a metric ton of paper each day. I trust you and my kid likes you. All’s good!

  2. Julie, before we come out in November, I’ll be sending you some papers that you need to sign on the back acknowledging receipt of these papers and then hold the papers, which are recycled papers so that we can pick them up and return the papers to Ozark where they can be recycled again. You will need to provide papers indicating you understand the papers you signed are going to be recycled and may no longer be available for your refrigerator door.

    Dad

  3. I can’t stop laughing at this one, Julie. This one must be published! It is hilarious!!! oh my god! And dad, love your response. classic, so fantastic.
    I could bring some ‘german style papers’ with me in november – god knows, this country will never go paperless….. just to throw it in the mix, what do you say? And the size is A4 so that will just mess everything up. love, love, love!

  4. TOTALLY agree Julie! I ONLY keep very FEW treasures and send the rest to recycle right in front of my little ones. I’m an insensitive mom that way I guess, which my husband doesn’t hesitate to tell me. I have tossed a few things that the kids have wanted to keep because I can’t stand it sitting on my kitchen table anymore! Plus pile on all the junk mail papers and we have a mess on our table most of the time. Sometimes we move it to the floor for a while or maybe an open chair if we actually need the whole table for dinner. It’s exhausting and really not the best nor my favorite way to spend my time.

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