i am not my face

This post is hard for me to write, hard for me to share and is hard for me to admit.  “Why?” you ask. Since I’m super cool and super fun and super neato! (okay I’ve never been called neato but I think I’d kinda like it.)

My face is a hot mess. Again. I’ve talked about it before but “it’s back!” And I/we don’t know why. Is it food? Is it cause it’s cold again? Is it the wind? All I know is I want to crawl into a hole and hide. And that’s SO not my personality! I’m loud. I’m out there. I wanna be among the people.

A person’s face is what they lead with. Unless your boobs are fake. Those may lead instead. My boobs are real. Therefore my face leads. And right now it’s all I really see. I’m guessing others see it to.  Let me share so you know I’m not kidding:

GROSS right??! Yep, scaly, swollen, red, scaly, dry, flaky. All summed up as GROSS!

I’ve done the allergy testing. I’ve done the elimination diet. I’m on medication for rosacea. I’ve tried every lotion out there. I’ve done Rose Water, Crisco and coconut oil. It’s obviously really, really not working! I don’t rub with a washcloth. I rub with a washcloth. I use soap. I don’t use soap.  And no this isn’t in the past 24 hours. This is the past 2 years. I’ve been to more than one doctor. More than one type of doctor. And no one seems able to “fix me.”

What should I do? I can’t hide my face. Even if I soooo want to. I can hide behind really big sunglasses but let’s be honest. You look at me funny when I’m wearing them in Kroger or when it’s raining. Maybe you’re just wondering if I’m someone super famous. (pssss – I am!)

Tomorrow I have to get on airplane and spend 2 days in conference rooms. With other people. Starring at me across the table. Starring at the skin flaking off my face wondering “ewww what the hell is wrong with her?” “did she eat peanuts on the airplane?”

I work at home. Which usually allows me to hide during these flares. Tomorrow it’s a new game. I’m gonna go dip my face in Cetaphil/Vaseline/Crisco and make my way to the airport. If you see me, please don’t laugh at me. Start talking to me. I’m sure something that comes outta my mouth will make you laugh instead!