who is the bully?

Were you ever bullied? I don’t remember ever being bullied. Probably doesn’t mean I wasn’t. Probably means I blocked it. I do remember being teased. I do remember saying mean things to others. (if it was you, I’m sorry!) I do remember never really fitting in. I was the loud girl. The “oh my god she said that” girl. The “oh my god I have a crush on him but he’s not in my crowd” girl. I’m not sure I could even define my crowd. But it wasn’t that crowd. Sure as the sun comes up tomorrow, I could give you a long, long list of the kids in “that crowd” aka the crowd.

But again, I can’t remember ever being bullied. I think not fitting in vs. being bullied are different things. Now, as a mom, I want to make sure my kid isn’t bullied or being the bully. Do other parents recognize their kid could be THE BULLY? Were they the bully so are okay with their kid doing the same? Or do they not know?

I gotta be honest here, if my kid is being the mean kid on the playground, I don’t know it. If my kid is getting picked on, I don’t know it. Do I feel like an involved parent? Yes. Do I visit the school each week? No. Should I? I don’t know.

I ask how was your day? Seldom do I get more than an “okay.” But I keep asking questions. They don’t like it, but I keep asking. I don’t ever hear of something big happening.

Are they hiding something or is nothing big really going on? My kids are still young. I still have time to teach. I’d like to think I’ve already taught, but with a 7 year old boy I often wonder when is a boy being a boy and when are they being too rough?

I have a 5 year old daughter and if you know her, you’ll agree with me that’s she’s tough as nails. But is she? I was tough as nails too. But sometimes it was just cause I hurt so much inside.

This parenting this in TOUGH. I want to protect. Both my kids and others. I’m just not entirely sure the right way.

What do you think? What’s your right way?

The following video is making its way around the internet and like so many other videos this one really has me thinking “What am I, as a parent, going to do to stop this?”

3 thoughts on “who is the bully?

  1. I definitely know what you mean. Thalia is Will’s age as you know, and Abra is a couple years older so this has been on my radar screen for a few years now, and just as you say I don’t really KNOW. Chris and I ask the girls a lot of questions about how various kids get along and whether there’s any fighting or mean chatter. I don’t know how confident I am that we get the full story, particularly from Thing Two.

  2. I truly believe that bullied behavior is learned. I would hope that if we treat our children with respect, that will speak louder than any words we can say. My oldest has been bullied at his catholic school which is supposed to teach caring, compassion, love of others right? But sometimes that is not enough. Especially with boys, there is such a fine line. Stand up for yourself, but not too much, or you are the bully. Defend yourself, but not too much or you will be the one in trouble at school. You can only hope that your children will learn their self worth from you and those around you that truly care for them. They need to be taught to believe in this sense of self. It is a different time than when we were young. Do you know there is actually a suicide statistic for boys our sons ages? 7….they shouldn’t even know what “suicide” means. Unfortunately, we can not control what is taught, or learned, in other peoples homes. I had to answer the following question at bed time last night: “Mom, what is a retard?” Why I ask. Because so-and-so called me one. He said if I didn’t get smarter over the weekend, he was gonna hurt me. As parent, you want to cry, you want to scream, you want to go and beat the crap out of the kid that said those hurtful words. But instead, you hug your kid, tell him he is AMAZING, and smart and hope that through love, respect and caring at home, our kids will learn the proper way treat others! Miss you friend, especially today!

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