here, inflate this

It’s the holiday season and you know what that means. Some moron thinks the best way to celebrate the season is to place 14 different inflatables in his/her front yard to annoy the crap outta the rest of us. And when I say moron, I mean a whole lotta you them.

I know you know what I’m talking about. I’m here to address your annoyance.

Snowglobes. Santa with a penguin on a teeter-totter. Life size Rudolph pulling a horribly small sleigh. Santa and his outhouse. Candy canes that seem to float in the wind.

Some even have motion. And not just the glorious, mother nature, inspired by the wind motion. These things twist and turn and require tie downs. They require a trapeze-like extension cord maze through the yard. They run on a loud motor that doesn’t belong on a quiet winter night.

And quite simply, they are just tacky. They are ugly. They are juvenile and I don’t like them. And yes, I’m the holiday decoration police. A few white lights, placed well after Thanksgiving, and we can all call it decorated.

I will add, in an attempt to spread super holiday cheer through education, this isn’t a situation of more inflatables are better. Less is better. None even borders on perfection. So please, before Santa comes and destroys them in the middle of the night, take them down. Stop embarrassing yourself.

There are plenty of tacky holiday decorations out there that do not require a loud motor and tie downs. And since you’ve already got inflatables, I know you’ve got it in you to find the tackiest out there and proudly place everything you can find your front yard.

So this holiday season, save your love for inflatables for a little something, something else. Keep these inflatables inside, away from windows and allow the rest of us to not burn our eyes due to your attempt at holiday cheer.

Merry Christmas!