keeping up with the joneses

Let me take this opportunity to do something on my blog that I don’t do very often. Bitch.

I am going to bitch about Christmas cards. Mostly the giving. Thass right, I’m friggin Scrooge.

You may enjoy it and maybe there’s something I’m missing entirely, but there is nothing about trying to get these cards in the mail that pleasures me. And some of the cards I receive, it’s all TOOOOO MUCH!

I may enjoy these even less than front yard inflatables.

So you will not be receiving a Christmas card from me. Stop expecting it. In years past, I used to joke that you may receive a holiday card from me by Groundhog’s Day (if you don’t know when this holiday is celebrated or what it celebrates, we can NOT be friends.)

I don’t even joke about sending them anymore. I will not, and do not, ever get my act together to send out Christmas cards.

Okay, I did once.  For Halloween a few years back, we dressed as The Incredibles and let me just say the photo was, well, pretty Incredible! So, OF COURSE, I sent (humble brag) holiday cards that year.

They screamed: “Hey look! Aren’t we friggin fantastic? Didn’t I pick the best possible red card with white snowflakes to blend with our red Incredible costumes that really kicks the ass of whatever crappy design it is you got at Walgreens. You shoulda seen us at Halloween! We rocked.”

But I’ve become a Scrooge with Christmas cards! It just feels like some nasty competition.

It’s all: “Here, look…I know your kids won’t wear a really expensive holiday sweater in July or anytime for that matter, but mine did, posed as the adorable angels that they really, truly are. My kids are obviously so much better than yours.”

“Hey look…I bought my holiday cards on xyz.com and we all KNOW that’s the most expensive card place available on the internet. Took me hours to pick out this amazing card, design it with 17 pictures, place my order and hope the site didn’t crash. Don’t I rock?”

“Hey, here’s 2 typed pages of all the amazing amazingness my family did last year.”

Maybe it only feels like a competition to me. Maybe it’s just me bothered by the “pressure” of selecting just the right picture to show off my little angels or my world travels and place it all on just the right designed card. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, but it just isn’t something for me!

Once, just once, I want to receive the Christmas letter that goes a little something like this:

This year was a big one for us. Dad finally kicked his alcohol habit, but unfortunately Mom left him as he just isn’t as fun as he used to be. She’s got her own place now, on the wrong side of the tracks, but it’s really pretty and rent is totally reasonable. She says all her friends call her a Cougar. Great name as she’s always been soo darn tough!  We think she’s really doing well on her own.

My sister, Rita, has a new boyfriend. He just started selling cars at the Chevy Dealership after losing his job with Circuit City. We are thankful she didn’t invite him to the house for Thanksgiving as we aren’t sure yet, if we like him or not. Hope he’s better than the nutjob she left at the altar. Can I get an Amen??

Tommy and I are really doing just great. We’ve paid off one credit card and only have 5 more to go. Yeh US!! We thought Tommy might lose his health insurance this year, but didn’t so we can keep Jimmy on his medication. Again, what a blessing!

We hope things are going as well for your family and that 2012 is just as great, maybe even better, than 2011.

Merry Christmas, The Joneses