10 things are stopping me from full on holiday spirit:
10. Wrapping presents. I can’t express how much I full-on hate this. I can’t fold corners, I cut way too much paper, I can’t make a clean crease, I rip the paper. All & all, wrapping presents = hate. I don’t care how much alcohol you give me. And screw those of you telling me about bags. You’re 24 hours too late.
9. Making sugar cookies. At this point, I just wanna buy dough, cut out shapes “if I have too” and throw on the frosting. Looks kids – we made Christmas cookies! Side note: I’m pretty sure Santa’s just fine with Oreos. Preferably the golden ones.
8. 58 degrees & raining. C’mon now. I’d take blue, sunny skies and 8 degrees. For a day. Preferably surrounded by some snow. Then it can all go away. Back to 58 degrees, preferably surrounded by some sun.
7. Pinterest. The fact that I can spend hours pinning cool things and not have to pay attention to the world around me is sometimes fantastic. Except, I forget it’s almost Christmas. Maybe I should spend more time on the holiday decor boards! Side note: Did everyone else see that super-cool ornament wreath for my front door that I’m never, ever gonna make?
6. Inflatables. I get Christmas lights. I get decorations. Your inflatables just piss me off and destroy any *merry merry* I might be feeling. Take them down. Seriously. Like right now. Out in the rain.
5. Rudolph TV special. When was it? Did I miss it? Has it been on yet? Was I too busy on Pinterest? My poor, deprived children.
4. Spiked Egg Nog. Actually this is helping. Running out of it doesn’t help. (Hey Target – it’s time to restock already. Get on that!) And don’t tell me about how egg nog is disgusting. You weren’t meant to be my friend anyway.
3. Vacation days. If I see one more person post that it’s their last day in the office for 2011, two weeks before the actual year is over, I may punch them in the face. Yes. That’s how I deal with jealousy. By the way, I’m in the office the rest of the year if any of you need to reach me.
2. Inflatables. I’m not kidding. Yours are horrible. Take them down. I see they are still up. Simply put, Help me help you!
1. Mall Santa. I haven’t sat on his lap yet. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a grown woman sitting on some creepy guys lap. Nothing weird about that.
I’m outta here to go find some *merry merry*. I gotta restock on the spiked egg nog, take a knitting needle I don’t own nor can you prove is mine to some of the local inflatables and find some creepy guys’ lap to sit on. Hopefully he’s dressed as Santa.