the pink gown: party in the front. business in the back.

The boobie saga continues, and I’d like to discuss the pink paper gown. I know I’ve got me some nurse readers, so let me ask, “WHAT THE HELL’S UP WITH THE CRINKLY, PAPER GOWNS TO WEAR ON TOP??”

I call out my nurse readers as if you can fix this problem facing our nation. Pink. Crinkly. Cold. And uncomfortable. It’s unattractive. It’s a National Epidemic. And it needs addressed.

Let’s be honest, as a married woman, when I’m about to flash my “lumpies” (yes, I believe this is what I’m going to start calling my breast-es-es) to some strange ‘medical professional” I’d like look my very best. The photo is not my very breast best. Super close. But no! (Why does it look like I’m in front of a green screen and in some fancy movie?? And from this angle, I’ve got a Gremlin growing under there!)

During the mammogram and ultrasound, I get a nice fabric full length option. Why can’t we have these in the office? These are problems I think I need to solve. Fabric gowns for everyone! This will be my platform in 2013…

An update on the latest lump. I wait. Because “this isn’t a good week to check.” Based on what I feel next week and around this time in June, I call and come back. So that means I now officially have one lump on each side that I get “to monitor.”  One’s been fully examined. This new one, not yet. And I’m hopeful it’s nothing more than something to keep on eye on, and we can all call it nothing much quicker than the process with the last one.

Now don’t get me wrong. My scenario could be much, much worse and we can all take my complaining with a grain of salt. Completely agree. But right about now, I hate my body, I hate my boobies. Super annoying.

I’m mean it’s not as if I’m gonna get on the cover of Time anytime soon, with my 8 year old son attached to my boob, so I ask you, what purpose are they really serving anyway?? Huh?? WHAT PURPOSE???