Puberty. Permission Requested.

The other day I sat peacefully minding m’business, when I was suddenly interrupted by the following email from our school district:

SUBJECT LINE: Puberty Permission Slips

Parents, Your child received a Puberty Permission Slip today in Health Class. Please sign and return it by Friday. Puberty Day for your child is Wednesday, February 11thYou can also find the Permission Slip that your child received today under the News section of their Health Homepage. Please let me know of any questions you may have. Have a great day!   Signed, Your Child’s Health/All Around Physical Fitness Superstar Gym Teacher

Okay, I might be exaggerating on the signature, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. Let’s start with the subject line as that’s a key element in any email message and it’s purpose is to grab your attention. This particular subject line reads: Puberty Permission Slips. Alrighty, you officially have not only my attention, but my brain spinning with questions.

Wait, what? Do I need to grant my child permission for puberty? This is my first child. At almost 11 years of age, he’s my oldest. I don’t know how “exactly” this is supposed to work. I grew up in a house with just a sister, no brothers, but I’ve heard enough horror stories from other mothers that I think I’m kinda/sorta/not really prepped for the crunchy blankets and long showers but I hear they’re coming. (pun intended)

I rapidly move on to the body of the email. Your child received a Puberty Permission Slip today in Health Class. Still confused by this concept of granting my child permission for puberty. Excuse me, I mean Puberty with a CAP P. I keep reading…

Puberty Day for your child is Wednesday, February 11th

WELL HOT DAMN! This whole thing happens in just a day and the school knows when it’s occurring??!  My internal questioning continues. And the giggles begin. Is each kid assigned a day? On average, how many kids in day? Is there a party for Puberty Day (not volunteering for THAT one!)? How do they know he’s ready? Do I not know my own child? Have I missed all the signs? Is a day even enough time? What exactly should I be looking for? Will “signs of puberty” appear on Tuesday, February 10th? Or does this all start early the morning of Puberty Day on the 11th? 

By the time I make it to the end of what might possibly be the most entertaining email I have yet to receive from the school district, I might be snorting laughing a little too hard when Mr. Child’s Health/All Around Physical Fitness Superstar Gym Teacher tells me to Have a great day! Oh I am having a great day, and I really appreciate the heads up on the rough day that will be Wednesday February 11th, now forever known as Puberty Day in our house.

But I’m sorry, I kinda lost track…where do you need me to sign?